Sex is a Bitch

September 01, 1991
By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: In August 1988, you printed a bit of comic material that had been sent to you by a friend in Washington, D.C. You said, ``The author is unknown.`` The piece I refer to was about a dog named Sex. I am the person who wrote it. Will you kindly acknowledge this in your column?

Sincerely yours,

Morty Storm, Brooklyn, N.Y.


Dear Morty Storm: It is my pleasure to give credit where it is due. The piece was hilarious. I`m sure my readers who already have seen it will enjoy it again. Those who haven`t are in for a big laugh. Here it is:

A Dog Named Sex

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He`s a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, ``I`d like one too!`` Then I said,

``But this is a dog.`` He said he didn`t care what she looked like. Then I said, ``You don`t understand, I`ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.`` He winked and said, ``You must have been quite a kid.``

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.

He said, ``You don`t need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don`t care what you do.`` I said, ``Look, you don`t seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.`` The clerk said, ``Funny-I have the same problem.`` One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. ``But you don`t understand,`` I said, ``I had hoped to have Sex on TV.`` He said, ``Now that cable is all over the place, it`s no big deal anymore.``

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, ``Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.`` The judge said, ``This courtroom isn`t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.``

Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that`s not unusual. It happens to a lot of people.

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, ``What are you doing in this alley at 4 o`clock in the morning?`` I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

Origins and additions to this story http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/namedsex.asp